currently: ten things
Monday, December 16, 2013 at 1:00AM 
1. Feeling good about letting go. Letting go of the worry, the deadlines, the chaos that this Life always seems to offer. I am feeling good about taking a breath, stepping back and enjoying MY Life. It isn't always pretty and sure as hek isn't perfect, but it is the Life God chose to Bless me with. I can not continue to be anything less than 100% happy with it. I thought I wasn't. I thought I wanted more. Sometimes I still do. More money, more recognition, more fame, more luck, more time, more of the easy life- but then God shows me, in His own special way, that it isn't always better. Happier. More peaceful- so I choose MY Life. I choose to embrace its' mediocrity and hang on. I guess I just kinda love my Life.
2. Laughing at the things my kids do. They are just being their own quirky selves, but it can be annoying and endearing at the same time. I like to think they are spreading their own naive happiness around without even realizing it, and yet- Do I want to be mortified when I catch my teenage son shaking hands with a Santa mannequin at Walgreen's? You bet. But then I look around and see the smiles he has garnered from all those around him. People who were bored, tired, sick of waiting in line. People who weren't smiling before. So I laugh a little. And then I smile inside because I realize how very truly blessed I am to have him around all the time, letting his quirky happiness rub off on me.
3. Attending Fall Awards Banquets. These things at the schools never change. If you have been to one you have been to a hundred and yet we drag ourselves their year after year. I won't miss them. I dread them sometimes, but won't miss them. They are part of the bigger picture in our lives, my Life. I have been and always will be a Mom above all things. From the carlines to the science fairs, I am on board, literally. I do very little that allows me to miss these tedious events because they define me. This is who I am. I am a Mother. Lately I question whether I am a good one, but then I look at that bigger picture I mentioned. All of my children might not be following the exact path I tenderly trimmed back for them, but they are moving forward. They are making their way. I really can't fathom a life where my perfect plan for them had worked out- but I imagine it would resemble something close to the lives of the Stepford Children. All I do know is that it's ok. It's all ok. God has them in his palm. How could it be less than ok?
4. Seeing my son's artwork on the wall. He is not a huge fan of patting himself on the back. He is quiet, smart, humble and wise. But he is talented too. He is taking an art class this year for an elective. His first. It is a basic drawing and painting course, but he is exceling and loving it too. He is hard on himself. He is detail oriented and overly concerned and so he thinks his work is not good enough. But he is surprising himself. We were walking out of that aforementioned Awards Ceremony the other night and there on the wall of the front office is his latest piece of art. It was beautiful. I knew it immediately and so I did what all mothers do- I cried. Yep- right there to the great and horrifying mortification of both my husband and my son I wept. I was surprised and happy and proud. He knew it was hanging and never told us. He didn't think it was good enough. My reaction was genuine, but it struck my son with such emotion that I think he finally realized two things. One, it doesn't matter if he is good at something or not, I love him and am proud of him. And two, he was good enough. Good enough for us, good enough to get on that wall and good enough for himself.
5. Staying true to my 15 minutes of mixed media challenge. I know you are probably sick and tired of hearing this, but it really is a big part of my daily life right now. December is a month that I rarely have days on end in the studio, so this little bit of time each day is something I love and something I have really grown to look forward too. Like a little art rush! I find myself letting go much more easily than I normally would with a piece of art or a journal page. Because the clock is ticking I am not afforded the luxury of OVERTHINKING it. And we all know I NEVER do that!
6. Working on making some "t-shirt" yarn. I love reclaimed fabrics and in one of my recent hauls I found about a yard of jersey knit. It had the sweetest little vintage floral print on it. I tore it into one inch strips and then got foruteen blisters stretching each long strip until it was a miniature tube. I attached them all together and rolled them up into a yummy ball of extra fat t-shirt yarn. Right now I am just enjoying looking at it. I am thinking about what I will make with it- as soon as the blisters heal.
7. Listening to the sweet sound of the violin. We attended our daughters Winter Concert at school and as always it was delightful. We have known all year that she was First Chair, an accomplishment she has worked hard to keep. Regular challenges make it a coveted spot and one that you really have to work hard for- and she works very hard. It was a testimony to the hours upon hours she spends practicing to see her name on the program that night, followed by the title- Concert Mistress. Even she had to admit that all the time IN that chair was well spent. Now she is on a mission to earn that chair at the Art Center where she is part of the Youth Orchestra. oh happy Strings!
8. Painting more miniature artist board canvases. I love these and have been painting them like crazy and turning them into magnets. It really does a lot to pretty up a full family calendar! You can see some of them here and here!
9. Continuing my daily photo prompt challenge. For the most part. I do try to post something on IG each day- something creative, whether that be through art or photography. I push myself to do more with my phone camera this way. I like the fact that I am getting real time documentation of my Life. It isn't always the most interesting stuff- but it is me. It's us.
10. Enjoying long awaited and much deserved time with my better half. As of a week ago he no longer works 19 hours a day. He is no longer gone all night, five nights a week. He is home. He is here. In the present, working normal hours. Awake and alert and enjoying us as much as we are enjoying him. It is funny how quickly we forget that even the most trivial parts of our days, our nights- our lives are worth having. We don't stop to think, in the moment, that having someone by your side is what we need. We don't remember, until it is no longer in front of us, that having your spouse there to back you up is critical to family life. We don't realize until too late, that having 90% of your day to do as you please with isn't all that it is cracked up to be. A soul mate, a best friend, a comrad when things are so bad you can't bear to open your eyes in the morning - that's worth half the pay. It's worth downsizing. It is worth taking two steps back in life. I have learned a lot in the last 6 days. Most importantly, that no matter where I end up in this Life I want this man by my side. For always.
Reader Comments (2)
Beautiful words, Rae. Love you!
Thank you Sandi. xo