currently: ten things
Monday, January 27, 2014 at 5:00AM 
1. Enjoying the sweet sound of violin. I am so proud of my youngest right now. She recently tried out for the All County Chamber Orchestra and made the cut- first violin section. This is not the first year she has auditioned, but her third. She has made the cut the past two years and so I was not prepared for her reaction on the ride home that day. She cried. Not just a little. She cried hard and long. And then it hit me- she cares. She finally cares enough to be worried about failure. She has always practiced and done well. She has always given her all, but there was someting missing. That little extra edge of determination maybe? When she walked away from that judges table she knew. She knew there was always the chance she was not good enough. And so she cried. She told me later that she was worried that her piece was less than perfect. So for thirty minutes I listened with my ears and my heart to all she had to say about her music and her posture, her scales- her fears. And then I told her- This is great. THIS is what you have been working toward. You finally care enough to not want to fail. You have a whole week to wait for the results of that audition, but a whole lifetime to care. You are there.
2. Packaging up goodies for etsy. I am not going to lie. I get behind the eight ball sometimes when it comes to my tiny piece of the world wide web. I LOVE making hand crafted items and it gives me great joy to share them with all of you- but sometimes I find myself wondering if all the time spent is worth the reward? And then I get an email, a note, a comment from one of you gushing over something you have grabbed from the shop and I sigh. It is worth it. It is worth the effort and the time. The reward is in you. In the people I have that come here to read about my trials and tribulations, my projects, my plans, my art. I am so grateful for each of you and look forward to sharing more pretty things with you in the future!
3. Learning to work with new color. If you have been reading this blog for any length of time you know I am big fan of WHITE! My entire home is centered around that one non-color. A neutral palette is what soothes me and even my studio is white. I love having such a perfect "life size substrate" if you will, when I go to create. But when I make art I use color. The same colors. Lately, I have been trying something new. I am going bold. I am learning to reach for colors I would normally pass over. I am learning to create outside of the lines and give those brignt and beautiful colors a chance- and I am loving it.
4. Celebrating a birthday- mine! I don't mind sharing with you that I turned 47 this past week. I used to think I would be afraid of getting older, that I would dread all that came with age. Sure, my hair is a lot grayer and I have to walk three times as far to stay fit, but I am not all that bummed out about another year claiming me for it's own. I no longer wish I was that person I was five or ten years ago. I no longer look to future to see who I will be then. I am ok with right here, right now. I am okay with 47. This year I might be another year older, but I know that I am a tiny bit braver, a little wiser and a whole lot happier!
5. Taking a new class. Brene Brown's- The Gifts of Imperfection. I recently claimed this year for my own. I am ready to stop worrying about EVERYTHING and start living with what happens. I wanted to stop wondering when IT would happen and just be okay with what IS. I wanted to be enough. I KNOW I am not perfect. I SHOULD know I am enough. We all should. But we are so very hard on ourselves. It is sad. I am not going to do it anymore. I am ready. This is my year. I might meet my goals, I might not...but I will LIVE this year, and close it as well, knowing- I AM enough.
6. Documenting the little things. My life is full of them. As a matter of fact, I am not sure my life would be much without them. THE DOCUMENTED LIFE PROJECT has given new meaning to those little things. I used to carry around my agenda, nothing more than a calendar to make a note of appointments and meetings. Now my planner is part of me. My life now, is no more outstanding- I don't attend galas or go to celebrity concerts, but I DOCUMENT my life in a whole new way. I like writing the time of my latest appointment in hot pink ink. I enjoy stapling in a photograph to remind that this day was extra special because... I love having a place to doodle, draw or make lists while I wait. The little things that make up my life are who I am. I chose to be a mother and chauffeur to five children. I chose to stand by a good man through thick and thin. I made a life around all that these choices entail and for ONCE I can flaunt how much I love it. The good, the bad, the regular, the boring, and the occasional outstanding days are now a beautiful place for me to color outside of the lines!
7. Realizing I have a style all my own. I used to really worry about this. I mean how in the world could I really be any kind of artist if I didn't have "a style?" A few times over the years I have wanted to give up. I never felt like anything I did really shouted "that is who I am!" And then one day a friend said something to me, something I had heard her say before- "let it find you." Well I heard her- but what the hek did that mean? How was a style going to find me? And so I decided that maybe it wasn't up to me after all, maybe if I was meant to be any kind of artist God would let me know. Someday. And so I quit worrying. I stopped wondering if I was an artist at all and I just made art. And then it happened. I walked into the studio and picked up something I had been working on, and I saw it. This is me. I made this. This is what my art looks like. And I knew. Did realizing I had a style make me a "REAL ARTIST" ? Ummm. No. But it sure felt good knowing I had found it!
8. Organizing in the studio. I received a beautiful new box style tray by Kelly Rae Roberts from a sweet friend on my birthday. It is bright and colorful and is divided into four sections, three long and narrow and one short and wide. It has turned out to be a great container for storing and filing all of my favorite bits and pieces for The Documented Life Project and Project Life. The best part? It had this wonderful message on the bottom. The message was most definitely meant for me this year. I loved that by covering it up it was secret and special to me- something I knew I needed to read, to hear. A hidden reminder when I need it. I love it!
9. Sewing some stuff. I have missed my sewing machine. Except for a few stitched pages we have not made much magic together lately. I am ready for that to change. I have gathered some supplies and have a few things planned! I am looking forward to the feel of fabric again and to making some pretty things.
10. Enjoying the view. I dreaded my move. You know I did, but I have to say, I am enjoying where I sit. ALOT. I love the windows and the lovely light that shines in them. I love the openness of the room and the feeling of being a part of what is going on the rooms around me. I am grateful for the surprise of natural overhead lighting for those late nights working- thank you to my better half for that. I couldn't believe it when I flipped the switch that first night. I am very thankful for such a beautiful creative space!
Reader Comments (2)
Wow...you, me, and my friend Melinda could all be fast friends. I love the you just put it out there...and what a triumph for your daughter. Those moments and insight into their growth are just so inspiring and heart warming to me. I totally understand your point of view about age ... it just gets better and better too (says she who is 57). And lastly, I suppose we are all heartened to know that doubt and insecurity occasionally pop up in our artist lives. For me it was with DLP. I couldn't really get going for the first few weeks - so much beautiful work. Fortunately I finally got this is MY book and I need to treat it like my art journals...just play. Now of course I'm loving it. So thank you for DLP, but thanks for being real...Melinda told me one day "she's not like us who will tell our story to the next person in the grocery line". And while we had a good laugh and it's not entirely true I do find people who are open about their lives are simply more compelling to me; it allows me to relate on a deeper level. So thanks for that most of all. Sara
Sara - this made my day! Thank you so much for you kind and encouraging words. It makes sense that we would bond - we have a love of art and daily life recordings....so happy you are here and I can't wait to see what you create as well!